C-U-T-E.
Cute.
cute- adj.
| 1. | attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment. |
| 2. | affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms. |
[Ironically, the word cute was originally a synonym for 'cunning'.]I have been plagued by this word my entire life.
Since I was about 9, I stopped wanting to be cute. However, my button nose and pixie-like demeanor have rendered this goal impossible- the fact I barely ever wear my hair longer than 3 inches and am below average height hasn't helped, either. [Or the fact that I talk about faeries and want to be a Disney princess. Dammit.] This word became particularly beleaguering when I wanted to get boys to like me in early highschool- I had a few friends who far surpassed me in sexiness and I was the 'cute' one. The little sister. Except for a few bizarre events when I was too young to be flattered, I was rarely hit on. The boyfriend I did have talked about how he wished I had bigger boobs [They're 32C, now, jackass! MWAHAHAHAHA!]
I always kind of had the 'Lolita' thing going for me, I guess, and have managed to use it to my advantage. But along with being 'cute' a d 'young' comes the idea of being inexperienced, and such is not so true. I think because of this stigma I became a bit more sex-crazed than I thought I would be, determined to let the ladies and gentlemen I was interested in that I was not all rainbows and glitter. I bite. Hard.
Aside from romantically, the 'cute' factor also enabled me with the power to have no one EVER take me seriously. I could say blatantly horrible things to people and it would always be 'Oh my god, you're so FUNNY, I love you.'
No, no, I'm not being funny. I think you're slutty and awful.
'YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!!!'
I realize now that this is an amazing weapon, but at the time it was just annoying. Some of this curse, I realize, is my age- in my field of work, being 18 is a duel-edged blade. Whilst I am lucky to be in this business at such a young age and have time to be creative and hone my craft as a performance artist, my current credentials are also overlooked or never even mentioned because of the number people attach to me. [I've been working in theatre professionally for 4 years- as a costumer, actress, and singer.]
There are worse things that could be attached to me. I could be 'obnoxious' or 'over-bearing' or 'pretentious'. 'Cute' is not a horrible thing to be called. It's flattering most of the time.
But sometimes, it would be nice to be 'pretty' or 'beautiful' or 'sexy.' Instead of being the diminutive damsel, it would be nice to be the vamp, the lady in red, the burlesque bombshell.
Ah, well.
C'est la vie.
Love,
Kate
la fae violette